Needing/ Finding Motivation

Last year I was training to run my first marathon. My training schedule was put on hold when I got my job working at WPA... Well it wasn't put on hold, but I did not make it a priority because I was already up, running,playing games, and activities with the kids for 12 hours. So when I got home, and was ready to get my running routine back on track, I hit the ground running... literally. I was hitting the pavement every morning .

My marathon training consisted of low miles at least 4 a day, cross training activities of  no less then 10 + miles on Saturdays, and my only rest day was Sunday. I was dedicated, and motivated... I had a goal to finish my marathon under 5 hours and I wanted to reach it. Sadly, I didn't reach my goal, I finished in 5 hours and 30 min, but considering the circumstances I feel like I did pretty well!

Getting down to it, I wore my body down fast, with not enough sleep or nutrients, I developed a stress fracture in my left femoral neck, which at first I only thought was a pulled hip flexor (I didn't find out it was a fracture until after I ran my marathon, it is kinda nerve racking because my leg could have snapped at any moment with that kind of pressure. )

<-----  This is a picture of my left femoral neck.The white blur is where there is bone swelling which is the number one sign of a fracture or break...When I got the results back, I was immediately put on crutches and bed rest... I was miserable. I thought that once I was cleared I was going to jump back into it like I never left, but that didn't happen. What actually happened is I became more paranoid then I have ever been, and I had s constant fear that my fracture was going to come back, I was going to snap my leg, and have to have a massive surgery. I have not had the confidence or the will power to get back into my routine of running and cross training.

Nike Women's Marathon October 2012 ----->

I am lacking motivation and am searching for it. I am not enough motivation for myself at the moment.
I have been drained mentally, physically exhausted and have had an over all feeling on being unhealthy. I have a very strange relationship with running, I love it but I hate it... and after sitting back and not doing it for months I am beginning
to realize how much I miss it, and how much I actually loved when it was just the open road, the sunrise and myself. My self esteem has hit close to an all time low, but I am getting ready to pick myself up, dust off my knees and try again.

I am done being unhappy... I want to look in the mirror and feel strong and confident again. I want to mentally feel ready for what ever comes my way. Last but not least I am tired of being sick! I went on a streak, I wasn't sick once until I was told to go on bed rest for my leg, and that is GREAT for me because I was the girl that got sick every 3 months. So it seems with my lack of training, the pattern has returned.

<----I found this picture on Tumblr, and it is what inspired to to write down and commit to my training once again. I can not sit here and complain about all the things that need to change and expect them to do as I wish without taking action.

I am ready to start my fitness journey again. This time I will be a little more cautious, and learn from past mistakes. Overall, I am ready, I know what I want and I am going to achieve it.

3 Fitness/ Health Goals

1. Get up and run 3 times a week, starting July 15th 
2. Strength train with Garrett ( Strength work, and Oly lifts)
3. Eat clean healthy foods, limit eating out to once a week