It's Been A While...

Well hello, 

Life has caught up with me, like I figured it would. 

I am working and started school, so I now have no life. 

First, I cut my hair... and I regret every inch of it. 

I know that my hair was dry, brittle and beyond dead... nothing could bring it back to life.

But, I miss is so much :( 6 and a half inches was way to much. 

It is not ridiculously short, but I still hate it. 

Now that I have vented once again about the fact that I cut my hair, I can fill you in on my workouts.

The last couple blog posts were about my new fitness/health commitment. I have not followed these as intended, I actually forgot that I posted about it, and that I wanted to change and make the commitment to change ( which obviously means I was not really focused on it. 

I did start running more, but once school started I can't seem to force myself to wake up early to run on the days that I don't wake up early to teach my spin class... What makes it harder is getting off work the night before at 10, so I am not getting as much sleep as I would like.

I have been struggling with myself for the past couple weeks. I finally dropped 5 lbs, and it seemed to be off for good , I was happy! Then I stepped on the scale the other day and it is back! Ugh, this gets so frustrating. I once again need to re evaluate what I am eating, and my exercise routine. 

I have really been struggling with the size of my legs, I know I am strong, but I am not as lean as I would like to be. I just want to look like Stacie Tovar, is that to much to ask for haha!

Last, school is school. Chemistry and Statistics are just not for me... I have to stay as positive as I can with this though, otherwise I know I will just want to drop out... haha

Well thank you blog spot for letting me rant, I hope to keep you a little more up to date, and hopefully with a little more positive of an attitude! 

Cont Finding Motivation

Last week I set 3 fitness/ health goals for myself:

3 Fitness/ Health Goals

1. Get up and run 3 times a week, starting July 15th 

2. Strength train with Garrett ( Strength work, and Oly lifts)

3. Eat clean healthy foods, limit eating out to once a week

Sadly, last week I came down with a horrible sinus infection, and what I believe to be the beginnings of bronchitis ( I have not had the chance to get back into the doctor, since diagnosed with a sinus infection for an official opinion, but I get it so frequently, I pretty much know what is wrong.) So, I took my antibiotics and the refill the doctor prescribed, I am making sure I am taking my Zyrtec twice a day, and have been doing breathing treatments to get my lungs back to par. Yesterday was the fist day that I had without coughing and any flem! ( Yey! because I know flem is what everyone likes to read about, but there is just no other way to put it, when you go from a sinus infection and are trying to get all of that yuckiness out of your lungs!) 

Now that I have that set back behind me, and am physically ready to start working out again... My work schedule blew up! I am constantly going from the gym for either training clients, teaching my classes, or working front desk, to swim lessons. It is going to be so tough for me to want to also go back to the gym to work out! So I am recommitting to running, I am going to wake up and run Monday and Wednesday of this week. I know it is not the 3 times a week I committed to, but after being sick, I do not want to wear myself to thin. I will get 2 strength sessions in with Garrett this week, it is not as much as I would like, but again I do not want to get sick again, I am sure my body still and will need as much rest as it can get for the upcoming week. 

Garrett and I have been doing really good about not eating out everyday! Although this past week we did eat out twice, rather then the once I committed to. It was completely our fault, it was already 2 pm, neither of us had eaten, and we were both unprepared. Today we will be heading to fresh and easy to buy our chicken and veggies to prep for this upcoming week! I am super excited! I am also excited about the fact that I have been cooking at home more recently, and the family has like what i have been cooking! I will do anything to get them eating more then fast, processed, unhealthy foods, so it looks I need to buy double the chicken! ( since they won't let me pay rent, I figure this helps out and is giving back to the family the best that I can. I am so blessed to have the Hueburt/DeFore's as a second family) 

I know this week is kind of just a repeat of last weeks topic, but I was really upset and struggled with the fact that I got sick and couldn't commit to my fitness goals like I wanted to. I was mentally prepared to tackle this obstacle that has been in front of me, but I wasn't listening to my body and what it could physically do.

Hopefully this week goes a little better! Until next time, arrivederci!

Needing/ Finding Motivation

Last year I was training to run my first marathon. My training schedule was put on hold when I got my job working at WPA... Well it wasn't put on hold, but I did not make it a priority because I was already up, running,playing games, and activities with the kids for 12 hours. So when I got home, and was ready to get my running routine back on track, I hit the ground running... literally. I was hitting the pavement every morning .

My marathon training consisted of low miles at least 4 a day, cross training activities of  no less then 10 + miles on Saturdays, and my only rest day was Sunday. I was dedicated, and motivated... I had a goal to finish my marathon under 5 hours and I wanted to reach it. Sadly, I didn't reach my goal, I finished in 5 hours and 30 min, but considering the circumstances I feel like I did pretty well!

Getting down to it, I wore my body down fast, with not enough sleep or nutrients, I developed a stress fracture in my left femoral neck, which at first I only thought was a pulled hip flexor (I didn't find out it was a fracture until after I ran my marathon, it is kinda nerve racking because my leg could have snapped at any moment with that kind of pressure. )

<-----  This is a picture of my left femoral neck.The white blur is where there is bone swelling which is the number one sign of a fracture or break...When I got the results back, I was immediately put on crutches and bed rest... I was miserable. I thought that once I was cleared I was going to jump back into it like I never left, but that didn't happen. What actually happened is I became more paranoid then I have ever been, and I had s constant fear that my fracture was going to come back, I was going to snap my leg, and have to have a massive surgery. I have not had the confidence or the will power to get back into my routine of running and cross training.

Nike Women's Marathon October 2012 ----->

I am lacking motivation and am searching for it. I am not enough motivation for myself at the moment.
I have been drained mentally, physically exhausted and have had an over all feeling on being unhealthy. I have a very strange relationship with running, I love it but I hate it... and after sitting back and not doing it for months I am beginning
to realize how much I miss it, and how much I actually loved when it was just the open road, the sunrise and myself. My self esteem has hit close to an all time low, but I am getting ready to pick myself up, dust off my knees and try again.

I am done being unhappy... I want to look in the mirror and feel strong and confident again. I want to mentally feel ready for what ever comes my way. Last but not least I am tired of being sick! I went on a streak, I wasn't sick once until I was told to go on bed rest for my leg, and that is GREAT for me because I was the girl that got sick every 3 months. So it seems with my lack of training, the pattern has returned.

<----I found this picture on Tumblr, and it is what inspired to to write down and commit to my training once again. I can not sit here and complain about all the things that need to change and expect them to do as I wish without taking action.

I am ready to start my fitness journey again. This time I will be a little more cautious, and learn from past mistakes. Overall, I am ready, I know what I want and I am going to achieve it.

3 Fitness/ Health Goals

1. Get up and run 3 times a week, starting July 15th 
2. Strength train with Garrett ( Strength work, and Oly lifts)
3. Eat clean healthy foods, limit eating out to once a week

Auntie Love

I am one happy Auntie! 

Chris, Erin, and Brady have welcomed a new edition to the family today! 

Hayley Ann Merrin

Weighing 8lb 8oz, and 20 1/4 inches long!

At the moment my Grandma and I are at our hotel waiting to be picked up by the shuttle to take us to the airport, where we fly out at 10:45 pm tonight, which gets us to North Carolina and even closer to this beautiful baby girl, at 11 am tomorrow!

I can't wait to hold her, to love her and giver her lots of auntie kisses!

Today just is not going by fast enough!

Happy Fathers Day...

I would say that since I was about 14 I hated fathers day. I was so bitter and angry about the fact that my dad was not the dad that he was supposed to be. Instead of supporting and spending quality time with his children, he chose alcohol and drugs. I hated being with friends and seeing how their fathers were with them, and mine was no where to be seen.

Looking back, there is good reason for me to be bitter towards a day like to day, but I am not the only one with a Dad like this. I am one in millions, and that is what breaks my heart the most. When we were a family I was the epitome of Daddy's Little Girl. All I had to do was say "daddy please" and most of the time it was mine, I liked the Raiders because he did, I am a movie freak just like him, I tried to be left handed so I was the same as him, we have the same ears, eyes, and face. I am my fathers daughter, and the reason I have been so angry, for so long is because, that is all I have ever really wanted, I want things to be how they used to be

Now that I am 21 going on 22, I am beginning to grow up (sadly, slowly, but surely... I have a peter pan complex) I see that there are certain hands that people are dealt in life and this is mine. I have been slowly working on letting go of the things that I can not change, and realizing that these circumstances have helped mold me into the person that I am today. My Pops ( that's what I call my dad) is a man that loves me, and that has always loved me, even though he may not have shown it the was a child expects their parent to. He has always been more then willing to help, when he can. He has stepped up, and is helping take careof my Papa Tino, that is suffering from Dementia and Alzheimer's. He is doing the best that he believes he can, and I know that is all that I can ask for.

I have also come to realize that Fathers day is not all about your biological father.... 

There are many men in my life that have helped mold me into the young woman that I am now. The man that will always come first in my mind and heart is my oldest brother, Chris. Chris stepped in and took care of me when it wasn't his roll. He walked me to school, helped me with homework, cooked me dinner, played with me and he was always there with open arms when I woke up from bad dreams. I hate that he assumed this roll at the young age of 15, I know that there was so much he would have rather been doing, but I wouldn't have it any other way. In a way I like to think that Chris practiced with Xavier (my younger brother) and I, and that is why he is such a great dad with my nephew Brady and my soon to be niece Hayley. I can never give enough credit to him, I love him with all my heart, he is the best big brother I could ever have. 

This is Chris, Xavier and I at his wedding to Erin, in March 2007

Although I used to have so much negativity towards this day, I have come to see the good in my life, and from now on that is all I wish to see... I can now say Happy Fathers Day, and mean it. 

And I am...

I first stumbled upon blogger to keep up with my family that is stationed in North Carolina. I recently was re-introduced to blogger, by my best friend who is using a blog as way to spread her message for her ministry. 

I myself decided to write a blog, because I feel that I am outgrowing Tumblr, and really want to be able to express myself, to relate and connect to those on my reading list. 

This is my story...

I am a like any 21 year old getting through school and work. I have been in a serious relationship for a little over 4 years now. Garrett and I have had many adventures, and many more to come! Which I am sure you will see many of them here. 

I currently live in a small town in central California... A town where everyone knows everyone, where we try to shop local, we are within driving distance to the lake, ocean, and mountains... it is almost perfect. At the moment though, I am hoping that I am not here for much longer, it is not where I feel that I should be at the moment. I might just have big goals and dreams for myself, but what is life without those right?

I know that I am just starting my life,and that I have plenty of time ahead of me to figure out who I am,and what I am going to do with this thing that they call life, but like any other young adult, I am impatient. I want it all, right now, and I am on my way to getting it. Here you can expect to read about the stresses of school sharing how I have no idea why I chose to be a Bio major, workouts,lifting and PR's, being a group fitness instructor, mine and Garrett's adventures, my attempts at Pinterest finds, and whatever else comes up on this crazy roller coaster called life.