I would say that since I was about 14 I hated fathers day. I was so bitter and angry about the fact that my dad was not the dad that he was supposed to be. Instead of supporting and spending quality time with his children, he chose alcohol and drugs. I hated being with friends and seeing how their fathers were with them, and mine was no where to be seen.
Looking back, there is good reason for me to be bitter towards a day like to day, but I am not the only one with a Dad like this. I am one in millions, and that is what breaks my heart the most. When we were a family I was the epitome of Daddy's Little Girl. All I had to do was say "daddy please" and most of the time it was mine, I liked the Raiders because he did, I am a movie freak just like him, I tried to be left handed so I was the same as him, we have the same ears, eyes, and face. I am my fathers daughter, and the reason I have been so angry, for so long is because, that is all I have ever really wanted, I want things to be how they used to be
Now that I am 21 going on 22, I am beginning to grow up (sadly, slowly, but surely... I have a peter pan complex) I see that there are certain hands that people are dealt in life and this is mine. I have been slowly working on letting go of the things that I can not change, and realizing that these circumstances have helped mold me into the person that I am today. My Pops ( that's what I call my dad) is a man that loves me, and that has always loved me, even though he may not have shown it the was a child expects their parent to. He has always been more then willing to help, when he can. He has stepped up, and is helping take careof my Papa Tino, that is suffering from Dementia and Alzheimer's. He is doing the best that he believes he can, and I know that is all that I can ask for.
I have also come to realize that Fathers day is not all about your biological father....
There are many men in my life that have helped mold me into the young woman that I am now. The man that will always come first in my mind and heart is my oldest brother, Chris. Chris stepped in and took care of me when it wasn't his roll. He walked me to school, helped me with homework, cooked me dinner, played with me and he was always there with open arms when I woke up from bad dreams. I hate that he assumed this roll at the young age of 15, I know that there was so much he would have rather been doing, but I wouldn't have it any other way. In a way I like to think that Chris practiced with Xavier (my younger brother) and I, and that is why he is such a great dad with my nephew Brady and my soon to be niece Hayley. I can never give enough credit to him, I love him with all my heart, he is the best big brother I could ever have.
This is Chris, Xavier and I at his wedding to Erin, in March 2007
Although I used to have so much negativity towards this day, I have come to see the good in my life, and from now on that is all I wish to see... I can now say Happy Fathers Day, and mean it.
